lead up

            I’ll be late as usual. Ang hirap pa namang sumakay ng LRT, mag- skin pa kami ng cat ngayon. See, I’m worried, but I can’t help thinking about what the doctor said yesterday. I know that I am healthy, or should I say, I’m in good health, but he insisted that I have this stupid lung cancer. “Hija, you need medical assistance. Kung hindi maagapan, baka lumala…” Of course I’m aware of that ‘possibility’, duh! Biology student kaya ako! “Are you crazy? Look at me. Don’t I seem to be athletic? You’re just trying to make money. Darn it! And you stop putting that bullshit ailment on me.” I left the hospital afterwards. That’s it. He said that I have a lung cancer. So what? I’ll die? Geez, I’m not afraid of dying. People live and then die. We should accept that fact. Astig kaya ako! But deep inside, I know that line is just a form of disillusionment for me to cope up. And as a song plays on my mind, ‘Gotta Live Like We’re Dying’, I assume that I must be nuts.

Schoolwork… waaahh! So many things to do, so little time. Why in the world should there only be 24 hours a day and seven days a week? That’s not enough, man! Oo, crammer nga pala ako, and I’m the best crammer in the world. Pero bakit ba ako nagrereklamo? I should be the one to be blamed for my inefficiency. I must, I must, I must… I must learn to manage my time or else... Or else what? I’ll turn out to be the most incompetent and unprofessional creature that ever lived in the Milky Way galaxy. Do I want that to happen? Certainly not.

Because of our hectic schedule, the notion of my being sick didn’t have any chance to enter my psyche. Well, it really does not have a place either. I can only process an eight-gigabyte information and for me to regard that as an important data is too much. I need not to mull over that for now. In the interim, all I want is to be dead to the world. So dreams, here I come!