tweak

Once, a girl was asked by his father to buy some food for their dinner. As she walked along the streets, things keep stirring up her mind. She's as pale as the blue moon with her flaunting hair as dark as the night sky. She looks very ordinary by wearing a black shirt and pants. The most noticeable feature of hers was her eyes with dark circles as if she hasn't slept for days but it glows with cheerfulness. She wears a thin smile as she watched the speeding cars of the city.

All of a sudden, there was something that made her remember all the memories from her past. It's like a chant that was formed a long time ago but has never been uttered, an incantation that has never been recited. And now the time has come for her to reveal all her hidden emotions, to unravel the mysteries from her past. The sullenness of her life was bound by a spell she made herself so as to forget every little thing that breaks her heart. An unfathomable force had just broken that spell, and she experienced nostalgia. It happened so fast causing her bewilderment. In her mind, the blurred visions moving in a heavy, billowing motion like that of great waves became vivid. Amidst perplexity, she recognized that feeling as if she was about to die. She thought that it would be the end, her end, but it's just the beginning of her search for existence. Real existence.

The lights were green before she knew it. She crossed the pedestrian lane in a hurry. As she continues to walk on the other side of the road, the wind blew. It chilled her. Even the slightest gust of wind would do. Nothing unusual. Then, her memories started haunting her. Again. She can't do anything. She did no more struggling. She let those images be played on her mind like a video being played and watched by her alone.

In her vision, she saw a little girl. That girl seems very familiar to her. The little girl was in the center of the crowd with all eyes on her. She's startled for a moment; she doesn't know what to do. There was a surge of mixed emotions: fear, anxiety, self-pity, anger, confusion. Everybody's making fun of her, and the mob has sly looks on their faces. Afterwards, she saw how that little girl changes as she grows older. That innocent-looking girl learns to fight. The cause of her misery became her strongest point. She has developed the courage to accept those inhumane prejudices on her physical appearance. She has developed the patience to let others judge her cruelly and forgive them. She learned all these things by accepting her flaws. She's nowhere near being an ordinary girl she used to be. Maybe, it'll take a long time for her to be one. Then stop. The 'video' is over. That's all. That showed the gist of the bitter part of her life.

She has come to her senses. It's as if she was awakened from her nightmare. So disgusting. Very horrible. But come to think of it, how can a helpless girl survived on that kind of society that was so harsh? How can she fool others by pretending she's not affected at all? How can she make them believe that she's happy when the truth is she's miserable? How can she do all those things? Miracle? No. Magic? Maybe. Survival? Probably yes. Even she isn't sure about the real thing behind her struggles. Her questions were answered by another set of questions. This will go on and on, as if it'll never end. But there's an ending for everything. There must be.

The Ugly Duckling. Oh, she remembered that story. That was her favorite. Maybe she can see herself on the ugly duckling. Yes, she has always believed in that story. She has always loved it. She keeps on believing in the story for she herself is an ugly duckling. She was the ugly duckling that was condemned by everybody. She was the ugly duckling that has experienced enough of those hardships. She was the ugly duckling who hopes to be a beautiful swan someday. She's still hoping that someday, somehow, she can turn into a lovely lady like her mother. How can she be one? How long would she be waiting? Will it be forever? She has no clues on her mind. All she can do is to be patient. Grow up girl! Grow up! You need to! Be strong, be brave! Don't lose hope. God is with you, remember? He'll always be. Trust Him!

She had reached the grocery. She bought food and walked away. She's going home. As she looked up into the sky, she was filled with hope. Her hopes were as many as the little stars and yet they're as bright as the full moon. Now, she had realized something and that realization is a big spark on her life. Never would she be bitter about herself. Never would she falter in what she believes or lose faith in her dreams. Never would she be ashamed of her life because it's never empty. Never again.

Now, this story is to be ended like a book to be closed but before that, let me tell you one thing. The girl in the story is none other than me. Yes, it's me. I'm the ugly duckling that was ruined by my own imperfections but I believe that someday, my life will change. How I wish to be a beautiful swan so that someday, I'll spread my wings and learn how to fly. I'll do what it takes 'til I touch the sky. I have to take a risk, take my chance, make a change, and breakaway.